In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
