So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
