Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
