I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
