I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
