No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
