She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My ATM looks so different sober.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
