Who wears a wallet chain?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
