There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
