My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
