Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
