Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a hot homeless man
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
