He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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