I look better un-naked...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
