i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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