Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
