Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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