it hurts more in the daytime
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
