you guys were way drunker than both of me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
