need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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