Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
