she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
