You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
