I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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