Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
two words: eviction party
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
