i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
