am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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