Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's blow job season.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
