We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
