he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
