if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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