Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
