Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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