maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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