Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
