i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
