my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
