: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
