he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
