Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
