I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
