I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
