I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dignity is for republicans.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
