i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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