Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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