The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need a burrito and a hug.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
