I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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