Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its about making memories worth repressing
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
