I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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