the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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